The Tie Lottery

#1. Made by : James Arnold. Material : Polyester. When aquired : Some time in the 1980s. Tie Facts : This tie was custom made for a company. Unfortunately I don’t know which company it was. The design is red stripes on a blue background, with the company logo, which for some reason is a cowboy viewed from the rear. As it is a genuine logo this does not count as a novelty tie. I wore this tie in a school production of Table Manners when I was 16. There exists a school magazine picture of the cast in the dressing room to prove this. One of the cast went on to become an Oxford professor and governmental advisor. I chose the slow path.

#8. Made by : N/K. Material : Polyester. When acquired : Late 80’s / early 90’s. Tie facts : This completes the Tottenham Court Road market stall trilogy. As with its stablemates, the manufacturer is unknown. The material is thin and the design, as you can see is purple with white polka dots. Classic look. I doubt there are market stalls on Tottenham Court Road any more. This particular one was at the junction with Oxford Street, an area that has been changed almost beyond recognition by construction work for CrossRail. The Astoria has gone (not that I was a frequent patron), as have various mucky bookshops. Foyles is still there though. Foyles is shit.

#9. Made by : Michael James. Material : Cotton. When aquired : Early 90s. Tie Facts : A very pleasant tie, in various pastel hues. This tie is from America, as evidenced by Mr James being based in both New York and Los Angeles. Also, I bought it from a shop somewhere in Covent Garden which sold exclusively American clothes (second hand I believe). I don’t know if the shop is still there, it was called something like Flip, or Twist. Or Jizz. Anyway, nice tie.

#10. Made by : N/K. Material : Polyester. When aquired : Late 90s. Tie Facts : Our second tie from the Tottenham Court Road market stall trilogy. Despite having no maker’s details the label does say ‘Made in England’, so maybe that will assist those of you making an academic study of these posts. The tie, as you can see, is brightly coloured, which leads people of low wit to say “That’s a bright tie!” and then look unjustifiably pleased with themselves as if they had just made a devastatingly original and witty observation. Assuming that they do not think me blind, what exactly is the point of this behaviour? If you have nothing sensible to say then please remain quiet.

#13. Made by : Debenhams. Material : Polyester. When aquired : Late 80s. Tie facts : White and red stripes. Classic. My Dad bought this for me. It’s one of the few ties I’ve washed. Inevitably ties get stained with beer and sauce, but washing can be hazardous. Many is the tie (two I think) I’ve lost due to the roughness of the washing machine. However, this one came out good as new. I went into Debenhams a while back, but it was far too cluttered.

#15. Made by : Dino Valente. Material : Polyester. When acquired : 1980’s. Tie Facts : Firstly, apologies to those who have been missing the tie updates. Simple explanation, I can’t remember where I put my camera. So instead I’m using the camera on the computer which seems to do the trick. This tie is my party tie. When I wear this tie – watch out! Of course, the point of the tie lottery is that there is no pre-destination of ties, and frankly I’m not one to manufacture party situations. As it happens the last time it came out of the bag I WAS going to some sort of social do. I forget what it was though. This tie washes well. I feel it has a 50’s vibe to it, not that I’m one to use the word ‘vibe’ very often. Anyway – party on dude!

#19. Made by : Beaufort – Tie Rack. Material : Silk. When aquired : Past 3-4 years. Tie Facts : One from the Found In A Skip Collection. A few years ago, whilst putting out the rubbish, I found a large quantity of men’s wear in one of the skips near my flats. It had obviously just been put there as it was all in pristine condition. Why it was there will forever be a mystery – eviction? lover’s tiff? extreme wardrobe clear-out? I neither know nor care. What matters is that I now own this nice tie, red silk with a repeated camel motif. There were some underpants as well, but I’m not a fucking tramp.

#23. Made by : Personal FX. Material : Cotton. When aquired : Some time in the 90s. Tie Facts : Now this is a nice tie. One of the most “clothy” of my ties, this features flowers on a black background with white dots. I am reliably informed the flowers are orchids. I don’t know a masive amount about flowers, partly because my childhood gardening experiences of deeply uncomfortable weeding put me off plants for life, and partly because flowers are for girls.

#24. Made by : Marks and Spencer (St Michael). Material : Polyester. When aquired : N/K, one of my Dad’s but I’ll estimate early 80s. Tie Facts : Red with white dots, possibly the greatest tie design ever. These dots have black outlines which is an interesting variation on the classic theme. Seriously, if you are wearing a red and white dotted tie then you can do anything. I went to the pub.

#25. Made by : Marks and Spencer (St Michael). Material : Polyester. When aquired : N/K, one of my Dad’s. I’d estimate early 80s. Tie Facts : Blue paisley pattern, a reliable stalwart. Paisley has always interested me, as a child I thought the pattern looked rather like those microscope blow-ups of microbes that you got in science books. I did look up the origins of the pattern, but if there was anything interesting I’ve forgotten it now. Sylvester McCoy wore a paisley scarf for much of his tenure as the Doctor (replacing a tartan one which was deemed “too Scottish”). I have a few paisley ties, can you spot them all?

#33. Made by : Marks and Spencer (Sartorial). Material : Silk (fine silk according to the label. None of your rubbish here). When aquired : Donation from the 2000s. Tie Facts : Nice pattern here, small checks of pink, light and dark blue. Being a modern tie it is rather big, meaning that one looks ever so slightly estate-agenty wearing it. However, as I do not reek of footballer-brand aftershave I can carry this look off without too much shame (I am presently alternating Tabac with the Great Smell of Brut).

#35. Made by : Marks and Spencer (St Micheal). Material : Polyester. When aquired : Late 90s / early 2000s. Tie facts : Red triangles on a black background – lovely stuff. I either bought this for an interview or for a wedding, I can’t remember which. If it was for an interview I didn’t get the job, and if it was for a wedding it obviously didn’t stick in my mind. I get invited to very few weddings these days. I tell myself it’s because my friends are old and married.

#42. Made by : British Home Stores. Material : Silk. When aquired : Unknown, one of my Dad’s. Tie facts : Deep red with silver stripes. As you can see, this tie has become rather frayed over the decades, but it’s still an outstanding item. Red silk ties will never go out of style. It’s number 42, but don’t expect any Hitchikers jokes from me. As it happens I watched Eggheads yesterday, and one of the questions was about that book. Remarkably, the Egghead (Barry I think) knew the book backwards. Not mentioning any names, but REDACTED.

#37. Made by : BHS. Material : Silk. When aquired : N/K, one of my Dad’s. Tie facts : Nice brown red and green pattern. British Home Stores still exist, although nobody really knows why.

#55. Made by : Marks and Spencer (St. Michael). Material : Polyester. When aquired : N/K, one of my Dad’s. Tie Facts : Red and black stripes, has a slight military air about it. So it was that I wore this in a play at the Edinburgh Fringe (playing Alicbiades in Timon of Athens since you ask). The London preview was reviewed by someone who, up until then, had been perfectly friendly towards me. However, in her review she posited that I “did not convince” as a General. Now we all have to accept criticism, so I think it’s only fair to point out that her co-written and directed production of Dick Whittington was one of the shittest things I have ever seen. A deeply unsympathetic lead (played by a right cow) with an even less likeable cat sidekick (played by an utter bitch). The slapstick was dreadful, the staging was crap and the whole thing belied a complete lack of understanding regarding what makes a good pantomime. Basically, just fuck off. Is that convincing enough for you?

#56. Made by : Marks and Spencer (St. Michael). Material : Silk. When aquired : N/K, one of my Dad’s. Tie Facts : I’ve used a close up because the long shot didn’t come out right. It’s brown with coloured circles. An understated slice of class. I don’t know how long M&S will keep going for. Whilst they’re still good for men’s clothing, I can’t help thinking that my local branch should be little more reticent about accepting dozens of obviously stolen tops at the refund counter. And the little twat of a manager could at least have had the decency not to walk away when I was calmly explaining why I felt his refusal to offer me a refund on my shoes was flawed.

#63. Made by : Munrospun. Material : Genuinely no idea. When aquired : N/K, one of my Dad’s. Tie Facts : Two-tone red stripes. The material is similar to felt, but that can’t be right. I would guess that this dates at least from the sixties, as the middle of the tie is rather narrow and the wide end flays out at the rear. As well as saying ‘Made in Scotland’ the label has a picture of a dragon which is odd, as I thought it was the Welsh that worshipped that creature. For those reading in the future (possibly when these posts and the rest of my papers have been bequeathed to the nation) the Scottish independence vote has just been and gone. As an Englishman I’m not really qualified or indeed allowed to comment on the Scottish psyche. So if you want more information just ask your local tramp.

#64.
Made by : Sirodair.
Material : N/K, probably cotton or linen.
When acquired : N/K, one of my Dad’s, design suggests 70’s at the latest.
Tie Facts : The pattern here is brown flowers exploding from a cream background. I tend to wear a brown sports jacket at work, combined with a white shirt and brown trousers I cut quite a figure. Now that I think of it, my handkerchief is brown and white as well. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – style never goes out of fashion.

Oh, my shoes are also brown.

#68. Made by : Marks and Spencer (St Michael). Material : Polyester. When aquired : N/K, one of my Dad’s. I’ll estimate 1980s. Tie Facts : Classic pattern, white dots on a green background. I have two ties of this description, for those of you keeping detailed records this is the more recent version. It is of a pleasing length and width, unlike many of today’s so-called “fashionable” ties. Who decides what is fashionable, and more to the point, who the hell follows it? In the weekend papers, the magazines are full of pages of unattractive stick-thin models wearing unpleasant clothes that will only be in fashion for a couple of months, if that. Who on earth can afford to keep up with all this, and what happens to the clothes once they become unfashionable? Bunch of bastards, that’s who. And let us NEVER confuse “fashion” with “style”.

#69. Made by : Marks and Spencer (St Micheal). Material : Polyester. When aquired : N/K, one of my Dad’s. Tie Facts : Dark blue, turquoise and red stripes. As the label says ‘St Michael’ and the tie is of a sensible width, I’d estimate it being produced in the early 1980s. Marks and Spencer did away with the St Michael brand some years ago, and their troubles began round about the same time. They are no longer the elite shop they used to be. Mind you, if the manager of my local store spent a little more time ensuring that the food hasn’t gone past its sell-by date and a little less time being a dick when I’m trying to return shoes they might fare better.

#73. Made by : Marks and Spencer (Collezione). Material : Silk. When aquired : N/K, a donation. Almost definitely purhcased in the 2000s.Tie Facts : There is some debate regarding the colour of this tie. I would describe it as purple, possibly plum, maybe maroon. However, the label insists that it is ‘burgundy’. I don’t think this is burgundy. I’m not too sure precisely what burgundy is, I know it is a wine variety (and confusingly comes in white as well as red) and Shakesperare’s historicals often contain a boring character called the Duke of Burgundy. There used to be a range of toiletries called Burgundy, and they were a darker, more red colour than this tie (the packaging that is, the toiletries were normally clear or white). What I’m saying is that I don’t think this is burgundy, and this doubtless accounts for some of Marks and Spencer’s recent slump in fortunes. That and employing people like the manager of my local store. Still, nice tie.

#76. Made by : C & A (the label reads ‘canda’ which confused me for years). Material : Polyester. When aquired : Early 2000s. Tie facts : Another gift from a grateful group of students. Don’t worry, I won’t be banging on about all the presents I’ve been given, mainly because I generally received beer, after dropping subtle hints during the course. Anyway, this is a bright multi-coloured affair, with black writing that says ‘The search of the full’. It might say ‘The serach of the tull’, it’s difficult to tell. I was curious enough to Google each phrase, and it turns out they are equally meaningless. Interestingly the barmaid in the pub asked me what my tie said. I think she was enjoying my explanation, but after a while she said she had to go and change a barrel.

#90. Made by : Remix. Material : Polyester. When aquired : 1989. Tie facts : 80’s design classic, grey and purple triangles. An elderly female and frankly disgusting police sergeant who enjoyed sexually assaulting young men once told me she thought this tie was “tacky”. So #90 – not popular with sex offenders.

#92.
Made by : Marks and Spencer – Luxury division.
Material : Silk.
When acquired : during the past few years.
Tie facts : A donation from my very good friend Tobias, this is a classy tie. The photo doesn’t show it off too well, but it has navy, pink and purple stripes. The label describes it as ‘navy’. I’m not sure what the naming conventions are for clothes, but surely this isn’t an adequate description? ‘Navy with some other colours’ would be more accurate. This really demonstrates the slackness that has crept into Marks and Spencer over the years. Now I’m no John Harvey-Jones but may I suggest more attention to detail, combined with less hiring of little pricks like the manager of my local store. 

#93. Made by : Marks and Spencer (St Micheal). Material : Polyester. When aquired : Late 80s or early 90s. Tie Facts : Despite what the photo may show, this is black grey and silver. I have no idea where the green has come from. When I pay £15 for a digital camera I expect better than this. Anyway, this is a subtly stylish tie, the sort you could wear to a funeral if you wanted to impress the ladies. And you weren’t too fond of the departed.

#94. Made by : N/K. Material : Polyester. When aquired : Late 90’s. Tie Facts : One from the market stall range. Bright exciting colours swirl around. The material is very thin, meaning that you can’t get a very big knot, but frankly I don’t like the estate agent style of huge knots. I bought this one off a stall in Tottenham Court Road. Three for a fiver. There’s no maker’s label which is slightly odd, I have a feeling that these came in a plastic wrapper so maybe that had the manufacturer on it. Still, too late now.

#96. Made by : Charles of London. Material : Polyester. When aquired : Some time in the 1990s. Tie Facts : With purple dots on a light blue (some might say turquoise) background, this is a tie that says “Hey! Let’s party!”. However, as I am not a person who is ever likely to say “Hey!” let alone “Hey! Let’s party!” the tie knows its place. Close examination reveals a few stains on this one, and I confidently identify said stains as beer. So maybe it is a party sort of tie after all. Not that one has to be at a party to drink beer. I frequently drink beer, and am very infrequently invited to social occasions for some reason. Before you start asking why I don’t wash it, let me remind you that washing ties is a dangerous business and best left to the professionals.

#97. Made by : Marks and Spencer (St Michael). Material : Polyester. When aquired : Some time in the 90s. Tie Facts : This is a good, dependable all-rounder of a tie. It is grey with silver stripes. I wore this in a play once (possibly more than one play in fact) but I can’t remember which one. Again, the label is misleading, insisting that it is ‘beige’. No it isn’t. The photograph may make it look slightly green in colour, I’m assuming that this is a result of the flourescent lighting in the room where I take the pictures (I’ll give you a clue, it contains a fridge and an oven). I suppose I could buy a photographer’s lamp but there’s danger in becoming obsessive over things.

#97a. Made by : Tie Rack. Material : Silk. When aquired : Some time in the early 2000s. Tie facts : This was bought for me by a class at the end of their course. The design is toy fire engines, I’d obviously been ranting about firemen during the previous weeks. Because the design is subtle, this does not count as a novelty cartoon tie, about which more nearer Christmas.

NB an influx of new ties resulted in some numbers bing reassigned, hence ’97a’.

#106. Made by : Gianni Rivera. Material : Polyester. When aquired : Some time in the 1990s. Tie Facts : This is an interesting one. The colours are primarily blue and brown, and the design is of some people lazing around by a river. I’d suggest that it is based on The Bathers by Seurat, but I’d be on dodgy ground, thanks mostly to my school art teacher, Mr REDACTED IN CASE THE BASTARD ISN’T DEAD. The physical and mental abuse I suffered at the hands (and indeed mouth) of this psychopath have given me something of a blind spot when it comes to paintings. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to turn into one of those Misery Memoirs which were all the rage a few years back. Remember them? Bought by simpletons who’d happily shell out for books entitled “Please Not Again Daddy You’re Hurting Me”. Buy a proper book for fuck’s sake. Anyway, for the record, he didn’t sexually abuse me. After all, he was a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. I have a sneaking suspicion that we might be hearing more about him before this project is concluded.

#110. Made by : Tudor Ties (Tel Rushden 4094). Material : Polyester. When acquired : 1979. Tie Facts : This is my junior school tie. Please note the photograph detail of my name badge sewn into the thin end. Purple, double gold stripes and red eagles. Add a blazer, short trousers and a cap, and then get the child to walk home past the local comprehensive school.

#120, Yves Dorsey, silk

A gift from someone to whom I once showed a certain courtesy. It’s very Autumnal, so I wore it just before Christmas. But that’s the tie lottery for you.

#121, Neckwear, cotton.

Lovely stuff. And if you’re thinking “goodness gracious what a lot of tie news”, brace yourself. As well as this intake I have a huge bag full of new ties. Who said January is no fun?

#122, Neckwear, silk.

From the Swedish collection – obviously there’s no need for me to detail the Sweden / tie connection. “Too busy” was the verdict of a friend of mine. What do you think?

#126, Hong Kong, silk.

The company isn’t called ‘Hong Kong’, but that’s where it’s from and I didn’t want to look it up, as when I do I end up buying more ties. But more ties = more happiness, so it’s win win.

#129, Hong Kong, silk.

Nice stripes. Not much else to say about this one. Wasn’t there a play called Blue / Orange? I doubt it was about ties though.

#130, Hong Kong, silk.

Ah, the old red, white and blue. A tie which is both stylish and patriotic. Ideal for the well-dressed man at a regatta, or Britain First meeting.

#132, Hong Kong, silk.

This is a nice design, it reminds me of an old EMI LP cover for Pictures at an Exhibition. The colour is lemon or light gold, depending on the light. The only nagging feeling I have is that it looks like the sort of thing a vulgar man might wear to a wedding. What do you think?

#133.

You wait years for tie news and then two come along in the same week, more than that you’ll notice the numbers are consecutive (if you count backwards). It’s another from the Hong Kong collection, and more importantly someone whose opinion I value said they liked it. TIE WIN.

#134.

As promised, here is the first of the new batch, which came up in Monday’s lottery. The photo quality isn’t that great, but you should be able to appreciate this one, which is from Hong Kong. Why I should be buying ties from Hong Kong is a matter for another time, for now – ENJOY THE TIE.

#136, Tu, polyester.

This came as part of a shirt and tie set from Sainsbury’s. Nothing unusual so far. But in the January sale they were selling the sets for just under four pounds, as I was in the process of replacing my shirts I snapped them up. The upshot of which is I have about six of these ties. I gave one to a friend for his birthday, he was delighted, but I can’t keep giving him the same tie for the next six years (or three if I do Christmas as well). Can I? So if anyone wants one get in touch, otherwise it will be a trip to the charity shop. I would mention that the shirts were good quality except for the absence of a breast pocket, but this is tie news, nobody’s interested in shirts. 

#140, Marks and Spencer, polyester.

This is a nice one, it’s bright and cheerful and guaranteed to lift the spirits of all who see it. Unless you’re colourblind I suppose. If you are colourblind, you’ll just have to take my word for it.

#141, Marks and Spencer, polyester.

There’s nothing suspicious about this one following #140, after January’s influx of ties towards the end of a lottery period it’s likely there will be some coincidental tie chronology. So don’t start. This is described as “cornflower blue”, and I for one am not going to argue with that.

#143, Italy, silk.

This is a rather lovely tie. It is liked a stained-glass window of some crazy paving. Rather wasted by wearing it South of the river, but there you go.

#150, Tu, polyester.

I’ll be honest and say I have no recollection of buying this tie. I presume I ordered it online as it is from Sainsbury’s, but have little else to say about it. Not every tie comes with a sparkling anecdote you know.

#154, Hong Kong, silk.

It isn’t apparent from the photograph but this is a very thin tie. There seems to be a move in current fashion towards “skinny” clothing, which I believe used to be known as “too bloody tight”. I was bothered by this tie, as it did look like I was wearing an Action Man tie. And then the next day I saw a young man wearing a similar tie, so it turns out I’m pretty trendy and with-it.

#157, Hong Kong, silk.

I’ll apologise straight off for the recent lack of tie news, it’s not a process I like to hurry and there is a reasonable amount of paperwork involved. Anyway, I set aside this morning to rectify this, so brace yourselves.

#166, Hong Kong, polyester.

It‘s hard to go wrong with dots, they’re great. I’ve noticed that the facebook crops the photos, if you wish to see the base of the ties just click on the photo. And why wouldn’t you? More tie.

#167, Hong Kong, polyester.

More dots. Not sure at which stage a dot becomes a circle. Now, a few posts ago I mentioned that #180 was the last tie, which may cause you to view the tie lottery as a finite entity, which in turn may cause you to feel sad and empty. Don’t feel like that, what’s this I can see? It’s a parcel I received last month. It’s a big parcel. It’s from Hong Kong. Can you guess what’s in it? (before you start it’s not child pornography or some sort of surgical appliance).

#172, Hong Kong, silk.

Another blue / orange combination, although lighter tones than the previous blue / orange combination. The blue / orange combination isn’t seen as often as you might think, don’t know why. I think a blue / orange combination is rather nice. It’s a blue / orange combination.

#180, Hong Kong, silk.

Nice leaf design here. This is currently the final lottery tie, but not the last in this lottery round, obviously. In basic terms I’m saying there are 181 ties in the lottery, with two outside the lottery’s jurisdiction. If the numbers are bothering you have a think, I’ve explained this before.

#241, Pulse by Michelsons of London, silk.

Apologies for the recent lack of tie news, things have been happening which were not tie-related. The tie lottery has been greatly expanded this year, so here are a couple of the latest. This one is from several job lots I bought after putting “vintage ties” into ebay. I am fully aware that I would have got the same results if I’d searched on “dead men’s ties”.

#267, Ciro Citterio, silk.

I’ve just searched for this manufacturer, they went bust in 2005. That’s a shame, as they knew their ties. It all seems very unfair that a good tie manufacturer went out of business yet my local Argos is still open, and the manager there is a complete and utter twat.